Pop Goes the Paparazzi

 

      Famous people are usually rich.  I envy being rich.  It would be nice to have a lot of money and not worry about paying the bills every month.  But as they always say, just because you have money, it doesn't mean you don't have problems.  It is easy for those of us, the vast majority of us who don't have money, to think that money would solve all of our problems.  Then why do rich people go to psychologists?  Why do they commit suicide?  Because most of our problems, especially the intense ones, whether we are rich or poor,  are not solvable with money.  But I don't envy being famous because of the constant oppressive actions of the press.  Every word you say is scrutinized.  Every trip you make outside your home is photographed.  Their biggest score is when you make any misstep or mistake.  And anyone who comes in contact with you, family, friends, whoever, becomes fair game for their grist mill of gossip all neatly protected under the banner of the public's "right to know."  Bad things appear in giant print on page 1.  Apologies and retractions appear in small print on page 50 buried between ads for penis and bust enlargers.

 

      I once saw Kirk Douglas on a talk show.  The conversation turned to being famous and dealing with the press.  Around that time Sean Penn was in the news for punching an overbearing photographer.  Kirk Douglas said, "Some of us are great at being actors, but we are not great at being famous."  I may not have the words exactly right, but I have always remembered the sentiment.  And I have always believed that famous people, no matter how much they owe their fame and fortune to their fans, and no matter how the law protests the press's right to hound them, should have special protection from invasion of privacy while they are in public.  They deserve to be free from the oppression of the press.  What happens to their right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" when they can't take a step outside their house without being harassed?

 

      I have a solution for the rich and famous that would eliminate most of this press intrusion.  It calls for the famous person to admit to himself that he cannot stop the press and that every step he takes outside his house will be hounded by the press.  He will be photographed everywhere he goes.  The answer is to stop fighting and give in.  BUT, on his own terms!

 

      Every famous person has an agent.  And they probably have bodyguards.  Just add one more person to the entourage... a photographer.  Let him take pictures of you everywhere you go and everything you do that the paparazzi would want pictures of.  All the while, within minutes, through the use of wireless technology, email those pictures constantly to all the major newspapers, tabloids, and TV shows.  The paparazzi are out of a job!  Have a nice day Mr. and Mrs. Pitt.

 

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