I Hate Hate

I Hate Hate

When you get married to someone, you get more than that person. You get a family to go with it. My first marriage was to my high school sweetheart. Her mother was a witch and her father was a saint. Her mother constantly berated me and her father treated my kindly. So I avoided her mom and hung out with her dad a lot.

Bob was her dad's name. I must say that he was one of the best people I ever knew; definitely top five. He was an engineer who designed printing equipment for major clients. For example, he designed the machines that printed National Geographic Magazine. It was with great sorrow that I watched him wither away and die from cancer.

I remember one dinner we all had together. We were in high school and weren't married at the time. My mother-in-law-to-be had prepared a nice meal which included lima beans. Food was passed around the table and when it was my turn at the lima beans, I just passed them along without taking any. Well, I was wrong by not taking any. My Mom taught me that whenever you were a guest at someone's house and food was served, you should always take some of everything and always pretend to like it. When asked if you want seconds, pretend to be full.

Hazel was her mom's name, but no one called her that. Her nickname was Sime, which came from childhood because she was called simple Simon. Anyway, she noticed I didn't take any lima beans and she just had to say something. It was as if I had insulted the whole meal as well as her family, friends, her life, and the American way. I tried to be polite. I didn't want to piss her off. I finally just said, "I'm sorry, I hate lima beans." There was a moment of silence and then Bob said, "My mother taught me that you should never say, 'I hate something.' You should just say, 'I don't care for it.'" So I said, "I'm sorry, I don't care for lima beans, thank you." There were so many times after that when I wanted to say, "I hate Sime." But I didn't. Honestly, I never cared for her.

Bob was right. "Hate" is a very strong word. It should not be wasted on small things. And maybe, if you really think about it, you will actually have trouble defending its use at all. Ever since that day I have tried not to use the word except in circumstances that really qualify for it. Such as, I hate hate.

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