Canadians; Ya Gotta Luv Um, Eh?

I don't really know why people here in the United States like to mock Canadians so much. Maybe it's because we have a population that dwarfs theirs and we know we could wipe them out in a war. But really, Canadians are cool and not just because their climate is colder.

I happen to have had the good fortune of once being married to a fine Canadian gal. I loved talking to her and listening to that accent; especially when she would say "out" or "about." She, like all English speaking Canadians, always have just a little extra "oo" in the "ow" sound. She was wonderful except for all that divorce stuff at the end of our marriage. But I must say, I still think she's great, even though her taste in men doesn't include me.

Canadians are smart. They live next to the richest country in the world and soak up the benefits. Our economy provides opportunities for jobs and export of goods and services. During the cold war they had us to protect them. We gave them billions of dollars of military defense for free just to be able to use their land to set up missile defense early warning systems because we had this thing about making the world safe from communism. (Stop giving Reagan so much credit. Soviet Communism was doomed to fail anyway.) Plus, our stupid current president makes their Prime Minister look like a genius!

They have health care for everybody. I'm telling you that we in this country are being deceived. If we had health care for everybody, our health care costs could actually be lower. People who can't afford health care end up in emergency rooms at very high costs to everybody else. If everyone had access to preventive health care these costs could be drastically reduced. My wonderful Canadian ex-mother-in-law just had bypass surgery for FREE. (She is doing well, thank you.)

They have the wonderful big city of Toronto. It's near Niagara Falls in their province of Ontario. Driving around neighborhoods there I had a revelation. As I drove down the nice suburban streets, I noticed something interesting. There were very few basketball hoops on the garages. Instead, there were these rectangles about the size of hockey goals painted on garage doors. Rather than shooting hoops, the kids were firing tennis balls from hockey sticks at the rectangles. I guess that's why the majority of good hockey players come from Canada.

They have British Columbia, their province on the west coast north of the State of Washington. The mountains, valleys, and the Pacific Ocean provide some of the most magnificent scenery in the world. And there is Vancouver, a world class city, that has become a center for television entertainment production.

But Canada has its problems too. It's called Quebec. (Please pronounce the qu like a k, not kw.) I guess no matter where in the world you find French people they are usually pompous. At least the people in France make good wine. French Canadians just whine. And they talk about succession all the time. They got their stupid French labels on everything. Like on the "Ham" can it also says "Jambon." Are French Canadians so dumb they can't look at the picture on the label? The bread even has to be labeled. I think that is enough, but they want to tell all the rest of Canada what to do. They are worse than Republicans.

All in all, I'd have to say that I love Canada, and you should too. Go there on summer vacation. You will love it. Tell them Ric sent you and listen as they snicker, "Stupid Yankee," but in a kind way.

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