What's In A Name?

 

      I am very patriotic.  I love this country and I'm proud to be an American.  American; that's my problem.  Anyone from the "New World" is technically an American.  Canadians are Americans; North Americans.  Columbians are Americans; South Americans.  It's like having the name Smith.  It's so un-unique!  And it seems long-winded and dumb to say, "I'm proud to be an United States of American."

 

      Maybe we should rename our country.  Other countries have done it.  Why can't we?  The problem is what to name it.  We named our capital Washington, maybe our country could be named Washington.  But we have a state called Washington.  Some countries have capital cities with the same names as their country; Luxembourg, Luxembourg for example.  Washington, Washington sounds like no one wanted to take the time to do it right.

 

      We stand for freedom so maybe we could call it Freedonia.  But I don't like that for two reasons.  First, the word ends in ia.  Our new name should probably end with a consonant.  Second, there are these Libertarian folks who want to start their own country with that name.  (They actually have some good points about taxation and personal freedom.)

 

      Maybe we could name it after a great but unknown patriot.  How about Ricland?  Or we could make up a brand new word like Freeland.  Or we could do like the Germans do when they combine a bunch of words together to make a new one; Freedomlibertytruthbeautifulland!

 

      I've got it.  We can name our wonderful country after the greatest president of them all and keep it really short and sweet.  We can call it W!  And to celebrate we can attack France!  We have this new doctrine of pre-emptive war, they have weapons of mass destruction, AND most W-ites hate them anyway.  Oh mon dieu, we're going to France!

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